Looking for a hearty chuckle? Perhaps a grin and giggle? I've included some of my favourite jokes on this page to share with you. Life can sometimes overwhelm you if you don't look at its funny side.
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Ma and Pa are sitting on the porch swing one evening enjoying the warm breeze and the night sounds. Suddenly, for no reason at all, Ma hauls off and slaps Pa up side the head so hard he falls off the swing. Dazed, Pa gets up and asks, 'What the hell was that for?' To which Ma replies, 'That's for 20 years of bad sex!' Pa says nothing and gets back on the swing. About 5 minutes of silence later, he hauls off and slaps Ma up side the head equally hard. Ma gets up dazed and asks, 'What was that for?' To which Pa replies, 'That's for knowing the damn difference!' It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" promptly slamming the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear." Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!" |
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen." A little girl came running into the house crying her eyes out and cradling her hand. "Mommy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!" she wailed. "Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked mom. "I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away." Confused, but weary of the child's whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it. "Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" whined the little one. "What are you talking about?" asked her increasingly perplexed parent. "Well I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider!" |
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